Good luck!
by slothqueen
Summary: Alternative ending of "Berserk" anime series. The dream I had after watching "Evangelion" series - slight reference.


The boy smiled even more imploringly, and shaked the small metal knight.

- I want to go with you to the Castle, please, I want to be a knight! Would you allow me to play with you?

Griffith saw a spreading red spot on boy's chest. It was a lethal wound inflicted by an arrow, long time ago, in Chuder. He remembered bending over that body, cold and pale, and thinking if his own dream ruined boy's one. If it killed him. Or maybe, it was only and only boy's decision.

Now he was certain, that even after death, boy's dream was still alive.

- I… can't take you with me. You're dead. You can no longer play. You will never become a knight.

- Why? – smile faded from boy's face – why can't I reach the Castle with you? It's just there – he pointed at the bright palace over their heads.

- We also better escort you – Griffith stifled a scream, as from the darkness surrounding them emerged multitude of corpses; old, fresh, dried to their bones, tainted in blood, torn to pieces, Midlanders and Chuders, with many banners unknown to Griffith, as well as with white banners of the Band of Hawk. Griffith felt dizzy, and kneelt between rotting flesh covering the hill.

- It's… it's not like that at all! You're dead! You can't go up with me! I'm sorry I made it to you… I… didn't know… I'm so sorry – white haired boy burst into tears. He hid the face in hands, smearing stinking, old blood along his cheeks and forehead – I never asked you to follow me! You wanted it! And now, it's over! It's all over! I… am so sorry…

- Hush, stupid child – said old lady, standing aloof – and please don't lie. You had known, very well. You wanted this people, all the time, to lift you up to the castle.

Griffith couldn't stop sobbing. He felt too unreal to do anything, and didn't want to look up at all these corpses anymore. It was that awful mainly because he exactly had known, that the old lady was correct.

- You… you all… have my apologize - said boy, still hiding his face in hands – I… was wrong… I… didn't want you to die. I'm so sorry.

- You apologize, boy? – old lady's voice seemed amused – So you decided to regret, and join your victims? You betrayed your Castle?

Suddenly Griffith collapsed, feeling numb and palsied. He tried to get up, and frozen in terror. His hands and legs refused to obey him. He looked at his fingers, peeled from nails, and his wrists, marked with old scars.

- Look what you're doing, fool! – jawed him the old lady – What you think that people were?! You tured them into corpses for your sake, and than, you say that you _apologize_?! How you think they feel?! You just dubbed them _useless._

- I…

- You just dubbed _yourself_ useless. Useless and decrepit. You want to destroy everything you and those poor people built! If you surrender, this monstrous pile of bodies will stay here, at the bottom of hell, just because you _failed._

Griffith sobbed quietly, lying motionless among rotting corpses. In fact, his own body was slowly becoming similar to them; with flagging, yellow skin covering wasted remains of muscles, swollen joints and hideous scars. He closed his eyes, tired. Maybe he should stay here? Old lady told him, that his friends will wait for him under the Castle. Why not to join them now, after so long?

-Am I dead? – he ask.

- Not yet.

- I'm so sorry for all those people… If it would be possible, I better have never had any friends at all, and go to the Castle alone.

- You cannot go alone – Griffith glimpsed away, and his heart pounded. He was surrounded by Band of Hawk, living people, who decided to follow him here. There was Corcus, not too brilliant, but loyal, with whole his unit; Judeau, who had been taking care of him at the worst of times; there was Casca, who was like a little sister to him since they were kids, and his best friend, Guts, his champion and trustee.

– It's too high up there, and you look exhausted – Judeau nodded his head, concerned – we better help you up.

- What's up, commander? You're back now, the Band is in right hands again – Corcus send Casca an ironic look – nothing is gonna stop us now! My unit and I wait for orders!

- I was so happy to see you again Sir – Casca wiped tear from her cheek – I missed so much.

Guts just smiled.

- We fought nastier problems. Why should we not win this time again, White Hawk, huh?

He pointed back at the Castle with his thumb.

- It seems pretty close.

Griffith sighed, and clenched teeth.

- I… can't go any further. I just better stay here, among old friends, and let you go – he looked at Guts and Casca, standing hand to hand – Casca, Guts was right. You should leave, and find your own piece of world to live and enjoy each other. My dream is over. Being by my side, you'll find no more than endless hunger. Go, and be happy with him.

He looked at Corcus and his unit.

- You, you were nobles once, remember? You're perfect mercenaries, you can achieve whatever you want, under someone else's commandership. Just go and enlist in, Chuder, Midland, anywhere!

All eyes of Band of Hawk looked at him. They were round out of wonder. Some people looked at each other, embarrassed. Judeau looked even more concerned.

- Don't you understand?! – cried Griffith with despair – if you stay with me, you all gonna die!

Echo of these words spread across the hill and precipice below like a cry of a falling man. The silence after was even more horrible.

- I'm… sorry – repeated Griffith – I had the dream once, but it's over now. I can't stand it anymore. I can't pretend any longer, that you can go to Castle with me. Even I cannot do it now. I'm cripple. I'm weak, tired and petty. I better stay here, where I suit.

- No – said Corcus – you suit better to the Castle, you're noble-minded and beautiful. You'll never be like those scums – he waved at corpses.

- You can do whatever you want, because we're here to help you – said Judeau kindly – I'd never achieve what you had already achieved. I can't do anything brilliant, I'm just useful enough to help my commander.

- We pursuit you here, because without you Band of Hawk means nothing – said Casca quietly.

Suddenly Griffith heart flamed with anger.

- You fools, if you try to go any further, you'll fall down into this hellpit and DIE! Everyone around me dies… - his eyes filled with tears again – because I can't help those who died for me in any other way, than piling corpses higher and higher. My dream requires your DEATH.

Guts snorted.

- I'm not afraid to die. We are all not. We're fuckin' mercenaries, for God's sake! Everyone, every time considers dying for you before every battle. The mercenary's fate looks like that, isn't it?

- You don't understand! I… always thought that I'm better than others, and because of that I can require more. I was hurting strangers, dismissing friends, and cheating on them both, just to make them up to my will. I don't want to lie to you and myself any longer. I'm over with my dream and my life.

- Over? Are you joking?! – Guts looked agitated – You still have us by your side! I never dismissed your orders. I was ready to sacrifice myself, it was as natural as breathing - my life is cheap, though I tried to sold it a bit pricier. I had perfectly known, that I'm gonna die, this way or another. And what I want, is my friend to achieve what he wanted. I haven't my own dream, but I can still be happy seeing someone like you fulfilling his own.

- If you don't want love – said Casca calmly – it's all right with me. I had always wanted to make you happy. Do whatever you want with my life. I'd be happy with being useful to you in any way. Woman, sword, scapegoat.

- True friend should always pursue his own dream, even if it's not concurrent with sake of his friend.

- Lord Griffith, you have always been a great commander. The Kingdom will bloom under your reigns. We need you. The people of Midland need you!

- I don't want to serve to anybody else. I better die under your commands, than live under Casca's – mocked Corcus.

- We were lost without you. Please, don't leave us anymore, Sir.

- Hawks are in ruins – said Judeau – we'll never ever regain honors and titles. We're not like you. However, you can regain anything you want. And we'll help you, as usual.

- We're Hawk's feathers.

- We love you.

Griffith felt that his powers were slowly returning. He got up, and looked around. He was surrounded by living, cheerful faces.

"They're happy to see you powerful again", he heard whisper from behind. He glimpsed away, and saw old lady, smiling mischievously "You're like the Sun for them. If you fell, all bliss and beauty and happiness will be gone. If you choose to burn them with your eternal flame… they'd be honored by giving the whole world the sunlight".

- So… - asked Griffith unsteadily – you're not mad at me? You want to build me my way up to the Castle by yourself? You don't hate me now, after seeing me cripple?

- Of course not, you fool – laughted Guts – I still remember brawls we both were ending way more messed up. Remember first meeting with Zodd the Immortal?

- I was always there to protect and serve you - said Casca - It's natural for soldiers to die under general's commandership.

- It would be desertion to leave our general now - stated Guts.

- You're not my soldiers only. I love you – whispered Griffith, and tried to hide embarrassment.

- I love you more – Casca approached, cupped Griffith's face, and kissed him on blooded forehead – we all love you a thousand times more than you could know.

- We want to fight for you, no matter, if we still live or not – cried the crowd, and Griffith couldn't tell, if it was choir of corpses, or Corcus' and Guts' units - You promised us a victory. We won't give up, as long as the new king is not in the Castle!

- You'll be the best king ever, Sir Griffith! – little boy with the knight doll emerged from the crowd. His eyes were bright with admiration. Griffith placed his hand upon boy's shoulder, and smiled. He ruffled his hair in a fashion of comrade.

- I will go. I will obtain my own kingdom, if you wish me to do that much. I won't let you down.

The boy just laughed, and forced the small, metal knight to Griffith's hands.

- Good luck!

- Good luck! – said Corcus, waving at his unit.

- Good luck! – cried choir of voices.

- Good luck!

- Good luck, Sir!

- Good luck! Hail!

- Good luck! – Judeau bowed courtly.

- Good luck! – said Casca, embracing Guts' hand. Guts saluted roguishly.

- Good luck, man.

Griffith smiled at them, and wanted to wish them the same, but it was impossible.

- Thank you all...

It was impossible, because they all would be dead in a moment.

_Thankyou to the Soldiers,_

_Goodbye to the Friends._

_And to you, White Hawk –_

_Good luck!_


End file.
